It started about 5 years ago.
I had just turned 45 and I was visiting with a woman whom I did not know well. She asked me what my hobbies were. I gulped and started to frantically come up with some plausible answer that wasn’t a lie. The truth was I had no hobbies. Well, that’s not exactly true. I love to read but I have painfully discovered over the years that reading is not considered a hobby by many people. So I had to tell this woman that I had no hobbies. I felt shame at having to make that admission. What kind of person has no hobbies? A boring person, that’s who.
That conversation led me to bouts of deep thinking. Thus began my quest to find out exactly who I was.
Yes, I am a child of God, wife, mother, friend, daughter and sister but those words tell of my role in life. They do not tell about me as a person. It was at this time that I had to admit that I had lost myself.
Before I was married, I loved to sing (I sang a lot in church,) I cross-stitched, I watched black and white movies, I taught Sunday School, I led a puppet ministry, I was Director of our local Awana group, I did amazing things with modge podge and the list goes on. I was a busy girl with lots of interests and passions.
But then I got married and had children. I lost pieces of myself in amongst the diapers, the Clifford books and the soothers. There wasn’t time to do the extra things, nor was there any energy either. Everything was about my man and my kids.
And that was the way that it should be. But now my children are older and I have time to do what I would like to do. Problem is, though, I don’t know what that is. I don’t know who I am anymore. I don’t like to cross-stitch (it’s hard on the eyes–you know you are old when.) I really don’t want to do anything that requires me to be with children (I am with my children 24/7 and that’s good enough for me.) All the things that were my interests before children just don’t work for me anymore in this season of life.
I have been trying to figure out just what my interests and passions are in this new phase of my life. It has taken 5 years, boatloads of tears and bucketfuls of doubts but I think I am coming to the place where I can list off a few things that would be categorized as hobbies. I have decided, though, that I don’t really like that word ‘hobby.’ Lately, the word ‘art’ has come onto the horizon that I think is replacing ‘hobby’ and I like the connotation of that word much better.
This brings me to the place where I tell you of the discovery of my art. It will have to wait until the next blog post, though, as this one is becoming a bit unwieldy.