A New Attitude–Simplified Organization

I have always had a problem with depression. I tell people that I came out of the womb depressed; there has never been a time in my life when I haven’t felt a veil of sadness. I remember telling my dad when I was ten that I was depressed, he got very angry at me and told me that kids do not get depressed. Twenty years later I found out that he was wrong. Because I had always felt this way, I never really knew that it was, indeed, depression that was living inside of me until I was 30. That is when life blew up. I guess my body just couldn’t handle the sadness anymore. It became apparent that I needed to get help in the form of medication. I was on the pills for two years but then took myself off of them because (okay, I know this is going to sound weird but it is how I felt) I missed the depression. I had always had that sadness. I knew that sadness like an old friend. It wrote the script of my day. It wrote my creativity. It was a part of me. The medication brought side effects that were foreign to me, side effects that I did not appreciate. I decided to see if I could handle the depression on my own, in my own way.

That was 20 years ago and I have been successful at keeping the depression in check. It is still there but, as I said above, it is an old friend, one that is a familiar part of my day. I know that as long as I don’t feel the deadness in my being then I am okay.

But then this past year happened. This was a hard year for me. I have kept it all in check but a few things happened last month that burst the dam.

A few weeks ago I was sitting in my chair, tears flowing down my face while thinking thoughts teeming with paranoia. For me, the paranoia is the first sign that things are toppling over. I have felt things sliding for awhile but I thought I could handle it but that Monday morning proved to me that I needed to do something. I thought that maybe I needed to go back on medication, maybe it was time to go back down that road. I decided to pray about it during the day before making the decision.

After praying for the Lord’s guidance, I was zooming around the web when I came upon Mystie’s blog. She was showing us how to use her new e-course, Simplified Organization. I was in desperate need of getting organized but I didn’t think I had the energy to go through my life with a fine tooth comb to get it organized. I was too busy fighting paranoia to have any time to fight clutter and everything else that has gone topsy turvy in this house. But I watched Mystie’s video that explained what the course was about and God reached out His hand to me through that video. Mystie talked about changing attitudes and re-writing the story that we had written for ourselves. The darkness that I had felt just a bit before was now lessening and I could see the light sift through.

In a moment of impulsivity, I bought the course. I decided that the money for the course was a heck of a lot cheaper than a year’s prescription for Prozac (they probably don’t even make that any more, do they?)

Oh my goodness ! This course is really good. There is meat here. Meat that has changed things for me already. I want to blog through all of the changes and habits that have appeared at my house so I will do this periodically in the next little while. There have been a few big changes already. The major one has been exchanging self-lies for items of gratitude and praise. The next habit change is picking up every day after school. We have a system in place and it is working! Halelujah! The other one is planning our menu for the week. I did this last year but in the midst of all of the life bumps I ditched it. Making a planned menu insures that we eat. That is always a good thing.

I am seeing that these changes need to be firmly in place before I add more habits into the mix. So in another week or so we will move on to some more habit changes. I’m excited about this!

This entry was posted in Being Still, family, Getting Organized, healthy lifestyle. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A New Attitude–Simplified Organization

  1. Oh, Julia. Your words just made the entire project worth it to me. I am honored and humbled, and I’m so glad it helped lift some of the darkness. God is good; He will see you through.

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